The university should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. Do you agree or disagree?

題目分析：看似簡(jiǎn)單的話題，但如果學(xué)生不事先列好提綱，把邏輯線和段落可拓展的內(nèi)容考慮清楚，容易在論證出現(xiàn)混亂的狀況，看似寫了兩三個(gè)論述的段落，但其實(shí)反復(fù)在說同一件事。【上海雅思培訓(xùn)】

It’s a commonly discussed topic whether the number of male students should be tantamount to female students in every subject in university. Some people claim that it should be a policy; otherwise it will raise a discrimination based on gender. But from my point of view, the ratio of men and women students in college ought to be different depending on different areas.

(話題引入明確，在作文題的基礎(chǔ)上做適當(dāng)改寫，it’s commonly discussed topic whether...作為開頭句要比直接用whether…的主語(yǔ)從句來(lái)得更加緊湊；be tantamount to 提升詞匯)

(過渡漂亮，引出支持男女人數(shù)相同的人的無(wú)非是避免性別歧視的問題)

First of all, let us talk about the so-called first nature. In general, boys love machines much more than girls do from their early childhood. Boys like playing with cars, games, while girls love babe dolls and decorating their bedrooms. It can certainly be expected that more boys are interested in engineering, and more girls intend tom choose literature or education when they grow up.

Secondly, psychologically speaking, men are more logical and women are more sensitive and careful. That is why you see dominant part of girls in nursing school. At the same time, dealing with mathematics is a piece of cake to boys but a big disaster to most of girls. To choose a subject depends on the individual’s personality, so it will be unreasonable for the university to take equal numbers of males and females on every subject.

At last, in today’s society, there are still different social responsibilities to males and females. Even though in more and more fields, for example, biological research or computer science, you can see no big difference between the two genders and boys or girls are doing equally well, there are certain areas preferring one gender but not the other one. We are all used to meeting a sweet nurse in while at hospital but may feel weird to see a big guy injecting flu shot to you.

(論述段分三層遞進(jìn)，用“一邊倒”的寫法，從天性到心理層面再到所承擔(dān)的社會(huì)責(zé)任，論證步步推進(jìn)，主線明確，有條有理。)

(第一、第二段用了議論文寫作中最常見，也是最好用的一種段落拓展的方法——舉例法。就是把觀點(diǎn)的抽象內(nèi)容化為具體的例子，比如first nature具體為machines; sensitive and careful具體為nursing school. 這種寫法可以非常直觀的讓讀者覺得有理可循。)【上海雅思培訓(xùn)】

(第三段，可以說作者相當(dāng)“投機(jī)取巧”，在具體論據(jù)只能拿nurse反復(fù)說事的情況下，巧妙地用了兩個(gè)聰明的做法，反而使這一段成為文章的高潮。首先，作者把這段的中心論述句拔高到社會(huì)責(zé)任的層面，從前兩段的“個(gè)人”到這段的“社會(huì)”，讓讀者感覺整個(gè)論據(jù)是完整的，且有相當(dāng)說服力的。其次，作者用了“讓步”寫法。同樣的內(nèi)容，換一種表達(dá)方式，既豐富了文章的句型，有起到了彌補(bǔ)論據(jù)不足的缺陷。)

From the above discussion, we can easily see the truth that males and females have hormic and physiological differences and are interested in different fields. So I can’t see a convincing reason to urge the university to accept equal numbers on male and female.

 (用一句話概括了上面陳訴的3個(gè)理由，簡(jiǎn)潔但突出重點(diǎn)。hormic提升詞匯)

總評(píng)：

文章從語(yǔ)言到句型都談不上特別出彩，但邏輯清晰，論證有理有據(jù)，所以不失為一篇高分文章。奮戰(zhàn)托福、雅思的考生們，【上海雅思培訓(xùn)】作文的詞匯和句型固然相當(dāng)重要，但由于這兩門考試的大作文都是以議論文為題材，所以千萬(wàn)要在動(dòng)筆寫作之前列好提綱，明確論證的邏輯。

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